To the Editors:

You may know that this Friday is Halloween, a pagan holiday that has been corrupted to become a cesspool of commercialism and sweets. This letter should serve as a warning that Halloween is my turf. Anyone I catch out and about, participating in this bastardization of my precious holiday, will lose their soul to me. I will skin you alive and suck your brains through your eye sockets and enjoy it. Since I have your soul already, you’ll still be conscious, and it will hurt a lot. Thank you for your time.

–Beelzebub
–Lucifer
–Satan
Princes of Darkness
7th Layer of Hell