This week we turn to women’s lacrosse players sophomore Beth Sebian, senior Susie Armitage and junior April G-M (contrary to my request, G-M was all I could get out of her for a last name –— sue me). As I couldn’t figure out the rules for women’s lacrosse if it was duct taped to my shirt, stapled to my left hand and written in permanent marker backwards on my forehead, this could be interesting.

So how’s the season going so far this year?

SA: We’re trying to bring things together at the end of the season to finish strong in our last two games. We’ve made vast improvements since last year.
BS: You have to say something about goal setting.
AGM: My goal is not to set any more goals for a very long time.
BS: Our team has an intimate relationship with the goal-setting process, it’s a love-hate relationship, basically.
AGM: I know the person I’m really inspired by when it comes to goal-setting is Christine Castilla. She thinks about her goals a lot.

Rumor has it you have a pretty tough coach. In fact I’m terrified of her.

SA: Terrified of Deb? Only if you walk on our game field.
AGM: Only if you walk on our game field, play golf on our game field or carry soccer goals across our game field.
BS: One thing you need to know about Deb is that she tries to fatten up our players.
AGM: Which I appreciate.
BS: I mean, we eat well.

That’s the problem I’ve always had, I don’t really know where your game field starts and ends.

APG: Well, there are lines.

Speaking of the relative lines of the women’s lacrosse field, can you explain to me some of the rules? Because when the men’s team comes to watch, we’re so lost. All we do is heckle because we have no idea what’s going on.

AGM: We appreciate that.

What’s the deal with the bubble?

AGM: I’m still trying to figure that out.
SA: It’s been our goal all year to get called for cradling in the sphere.
AGM: Yeah, the “bubble” is kind of weird.

So there’s a penalty for going outside the sphere?

SA: No, for going in.

Man, that’s crazy. How many games do ya’ll have left?

All: Two.

So, I hear you have a new assistant coach?

BS: She brings a lot of energy to our team.
SA: She inspires us to become more political. A loud woman is a political act.
BS: Also, according to Nancy, a woman stopping her car in the middle of the road to stop traffic is also a political act.

You guys want to clue me in?

SA: We weren’t communicating on the field, so Nancy wanted to come at it from a more Oberlin angle than Deb does, so she tried to convince us that a woman being loud is a political act.

How was your spring break trip? Colorado, right?

AGM: It was really good.
SA: There are mountains there.
AGM: It was awful when you were playing because we were out of breath and wheezing so we would look at the time clock score board thing to see how much longer we were supposed to run around, and first of all it was like Colorado a lot and Oberlin none and then it said, “Where the air is rare.” I think they think it’s funny.

What did you think of the “Be an 11” guy?

SA: He’s inspired us for hours on end.
BS: It all started when we won that first game by 11.
AGM: It was a sign, and then he remembered us and sent us an email saying, “It’s an omen for the Yeomen/Yeowomen!”

At this point Beth begins to pick stray hairs off my shirts and comforter.

BS: One way we incorporated that into our team, we have psyches before our games and we made little tattoos for each other that said number 11 W.W.G.S.D. — What Would Greg Shepard Do.
AGM: I mean, forget Jesus, it’s Greg Shepard now. Although, speaking of Jesus, did you know that environmental groups are starting campaigns with W.W.J.D., What Would Jesus Drive?

Any final comments, before we wrap this up?

SA: And so Deb and I were talking about my plans to join the Peace Corps this Fall. And when she found out that I might be stationed in central Asia, she said that it was really cold there and that she had to fatten me up.
BS: She told you to go on the “Hunter Diet.”

Who’s Hunter?

SA: Her dog.
BS: What’s a gentle word for fat?
SA: Portly.
AGM: It goes to the bathroom on our field, which I don’t understand since no one else can walk on our field.