To the Editors:

th’ prepostrus clams mayed bi- maya appointent Water E-vans r knought t’ b took cirrus lee bi enna 1. (S/)He iz uh hardkor phellon an’ has swerved lotsa thyme awn numrous charjes an’ kant be trust’d fer anee job. Whuts mor, it iz a noan faktoid that Mistr Evance favers cuttin doughn th’ rainfrist t’ raze cattles thar insted. I betcha ‘ed evun drill fer owl in allaskin natl porks rather then uze grean renewbull enurgies. Missur Ovens iz a two-timin’ gud-fer-nuthin’ varmint an’ i wood not listen t’ a werd frum hiz inedicated mout.

–Joseph Kimmel
Double-degree junior