Silence really affects the entire class

(I wrote this letter to Becky Wolfinger after the events in the class Recent America, History 253.)

Dear Becky,

It's hard to know exactly what I really want to tell you. I am very sad that you have dropped Recent America, not because I blame you but because I think the class will really suffer from your absence. I know that I will really miss your presence, and particularly your comments.

I wanted to write you to let you know how much I appreciated all of the things that you said in class. I want to tell you angry I am at myself for not being more verbally supportive of your comments. I have a huge problem with class participation. It is something I have been working on and felt as though I was making progress in it on the small scale. David Stradling, Recent America, and many of the white men in the class bring me all the fear and nausea that I hate. I feel paralyzed in that class. This is why I never spoke up in support of you. It is not an excuse nor does it make it okay, more importantly it should not have prevented me from saying something to you after class.

I am apologizing because I honestly feel really bad about it. For a long time I felt that I was only hurting myself by not participating. I know this is naive, but in many of the situations I felt this was the case. I missed class last Wednesday and when I heard about it on Friday night in many ways I was glad I wasn't there because I didn't want to be in a situation where I would have wanted to walk out with you or fight David Stradling when I knew I didn't have the ability to do it. Your comments on Monday really made me realize how much silence can hurt, not just you, but the entire class both emotionally and intellectually. Yet again I wished I could have the strength to stand up when instead I felt glued to my seat with my head down and my mouth shut. I understand that our entire class let you down.

I do not agree with Mr. Stradling's politics and do not believe that he is open to criticisms and other viewpoints. I think Mr. Stradling's attitude toward you is wrong. He had no right to "ask you" to leave. This is not much of a choice. It also silences others.

I am truly sorry that this has happened. I admire your strength and ability to stand up for what is right. Thank you for your time and I hope that you receive this letter in the way in which it was intended. I am extending an apology for which I neither expect nor desire an acceptance. But I would like to make it up in any way possible. Sincerely,

Because these feelings still exist, I am not including my name. I regret this in many ways.

(Editor's note: Although the Review does not usually accept letters written anonymously, an exception has been made in this case because the person writing the letter is still in the class mentioned and feared possible repercussions.)