I'm not fitting into anybody's idea of who I'm supposed to be

Everybody has probably felt this way before. I am sure that people of all races have stood in my shoes and wondered whether the person they feel themselves to be really exists, since nobody else seems to be able to tell they are there. Stereotyped, pre-judged, and misunderstood. And I mean this within race as well, not just by those who are "different." You'd think we'd stop doing unto others what we don't like done to ourselves.

You see me sitting in class: ponytail and blue jeans, tie-dyed shirt and Birkenstocks. Light skin.

Do you see me as someone who grew up in a multi-racial, inner city neighborhood? With a crack house down the block and gun shots at night? Do you see someone who moved out of her father' s house when she was 15, in order to be free from his drug abuse. Do you see me as a girl whose mother died last year from cancer- and who has been caring for her father who suffered two strokes within a month of her mother's death? Do you see me as someone who doesn't have a home anymore, doesn't have any brothers or sisters, who stays in school partly because she has no where else to go?

Or do you see an environmental studies major, a nature lover, a vegetarian? Believe it or not, all of those people are in there. Inside of me, sitting in class, being read or misread by those around me. I have not had a stable home life, and I have not been "sheltered;" yet here I am at Oberlin, studying and going to class, just like everyone else. And I am not under the impression that "everyone else" has had an "easy" life either. But I do feel like I have been stereotyped, that people around me of all skin colors see me as somebody other than who I am. It's been difficult making friends here at a school renowned for being accepting and diverse. I don't seem to fit into anybody's idea of who I'm supposed to be. The more categories that are created, the more categories I am made to feel left out of.

Out in the normal, everyday, working world, my unusual life does not so often come out to slap me in the face. Something about Oberlin's segregation - of races, of economic levels, of international students, of co-ops and dorms and dining halls, of sexualities - leaves me feeling this way. For the people who do  fit in to these separate communities, there is more support and understanding inside than outside their circle. But what about those that don't have a circle that they fall into? Or those that are a crazy mix of a bunch of groups? This issue reminds me of the controversy over the "multi-racial" category in the census. If you know that you're not in one of the sanctioned categories, why should you be forced to make yourself fit? Maybe the more we draw lines around different groups of people, the more we isolate those individuals that are not enclosed?

New groups keep forming around campus for different sections of our student body. I know one person who went to a meeting for students from a specific part of the world. She was seriously questioned about attending, because even though both of her parents immigrated from that area, she has skin color that is misleading about her race. Hmm....... By going to a meeting meant to affirm her race and heritage, she had her own identity questioned instead. I am sure that this is not unusual, and is not a problem that only designated organizations have.

What is up with all this fitting in? I guess college is mainly about getting an education, but I think it is also a time to find out who you are and build your own identity. And that identity encompasses many different sides of who you are, not just those that can be seen on the surface. Why are students allowing themselves to be divided into predetermined groups based on skin/ heritage/ sexuality? Maybe if there was a group formed for people with the same experiences as me, I would join. (The unlikelyhood of this drives me to ask these questions).