Don't pay money to see Payback

Heading into the regional debut of Payback, I was gripped by the kind of excitement that I normally reserve for KISS concerts and episodes of The Tom Green Show. For weeks, I had been anticipating the arrival of this slick thriller, intrigued by its action-packed trailers and its charismatic stars, Mel Gibson and Kris Kristofferson. I am ashamed to admit this now, but I was almost expecting a second coming of Get Shorty, a film so thoroughly clever and engaging that I was prompted to see it three times during its brief stint at the Apollo. Thus, as soon as I found my way to a couple of decent seats in the darkened, crowded theater, I sat back with a big smile on my face. I was prepared to be entertained.

But something funny happened on the way to ecstacy. Perhaps it was the fact that the mindless goons at the concession stand put a little too much salt on my nauseating popcorn. Perhaps it was the fact that the mindless goons sitting in front of me carried on a loud, subhuman conversation throughout the screening, uttering witticisms like, "Boy, I sure do like movies when they're violent!" and cheering loudly for every superfluous shootout. Or perhaps it was the fact that the mindless goons who wrote the screenplay for Payback seemed to be insulting my intelligence with each preposterous plot development. Whatever the reason, I left the theater with a heavy heart, my faith in the wisdom of Hollywood filmmakers and the basic decency of mankind having been severly shaken.

What had driven me to spend $8 on this cinematic drivel? If I had any desire to lend my support to the decline of western culture, I could have stayed home and watched high-minded programs like The World's Bloodiest Plane Crashes on Fox. I say this only because Payback is so insanely stupid and degrading that it makes you feel dirty inside. It is not a film about characters or any discernable plot; it is simply two hours of graphic, mind-numbing violence. I am not exactly sure who comprises the target audience for this sort of trash, but I would venture to guess that sadists, Republicans and members of the NRA rank pretty high on the list.

The story is simple enough. A member of the dreaded crime syndicate steals $70,000 from Mel Gibson who, in turn, murders approximately one quarter of the population of some random city in an effort to reclaim his money. (I apologize for the lack of proper names and locations, but I guarantee you that they, like every other aspect of Payback, are entirely forgettable.) Needless to say, he recovers his cash, recaptures the heart of his true love and kills all the bad guys in the process. How novel.

To say that the plot is both unoriginal and unimaginative is a classic understatement. Throughout the whole sordid affair, I kept expecting some twist, some subtle deviation from the standard crime film formula; none was forthcoming. Meanwhile, the dialogue is absolutely colorless and dull, preventing viewers from establishing any sort of attachment to the principle characters. Ultimately, the film is so perfunctory that it seems to have been the product of some evil Hollywood recipe: mix three cups of violence with two cups of mindless one-liners. Add one winsome star (Gibson), and you've got yourself a movie.

As you might expect, Payback has been a huge success at the box-office, which means that an equally uninspiring sequel can only be lurking in the shadows. That's really a shame, because it just reflects how far our cultural standards have fallen during a time when the entertainment industry churns out little more than soundbytes and special effects. If that sounds a bit melodramatic, then wander over the Apollo as soon as Payback comes to town. You'll know what I'm talking about.