Student Asks Dye For Time

To the Editors:

Five after seven? No, five of seven? Eleven o’clock? Three fourteen? This campus doesn’t know what time it is! There’s not one clock in this college with the correct time. I defy you to even find a clock whose hands move. I haven’t seen one. I hate sitting in a lecture about the history of slime wondering how much more boredom I have to endure. And there’s nothing that causes violent spasms through my body like walking into King glancing at the clock, and believing just for one halting moment that it really is eleven. It’s not eleven. If it were, I would be late for my class in Kettering! I don’t even know where Kettering is! Sorry, all this clock confusion is just really stressing me out. President Dye, you have to answer some tough questions: Why aren’t the clocks fixed? Why are they all stopped at different times? What time is it? Could I borrow your watch? Could the school erect a sundial in Stevenson so I know if I’m late for work?

–Mike Connor
College junior