Sports Shorts

Athlete Of the Week

Junior field hockey player Chaney Stewman ended her season on the right note by scoring 10 goals in her final five games. This outburst of scoring helped the Yeowomen finish the season on a five game winstreak, putting their record at 11-7 overall and 5-7 in the North Coast Athletic Conference. The 5-7 record tied the Yeowomen for third in the conference with Denison and Ohio Wesleyan.
Stewman was named the NCAC Field Hockey Player of the Week for the week ending Oct. 28 for her outstanding performance.
Stewman, originally from Gibsonia, Penn., led the Yeowomen to victories over Washington and Jefferson University (Pa.), Haverford College (Pa.), Bryn Mawr College (Pa.), Transylvania University (Ky.) and The University of the South (Tenn.) in the last week of the season.
In those five games, the Yeowomen outscored their opponents 17-1. In addition to scoring 10 goals, Stewman added two assists in the win.
In the win over The University of the South, Stewman scored two goals from penalty strokes to help the Yeowomen win their last game of the year. After both teams played two 35 minute halves and two overtimes scoreless, it came down to penalty strokes. After the first round, both teams were tied at 2, but in the second round Oberlin edged out their opponents to win 6-4.
Stewman ended the season leading the NCAC in scoring with 29 points and in average with 1.71 ppg.

Marquee Event

Saturday, vs. Ohio Wesleyan,
1 p.m.

You left early and missed the last win, don’t be a dumbass and miss this one, too. Come watch the Yeomen take on the Battling Bishops of Ohio Wesleyan in a North Coast Athletic Conference home game this Saturday. With two home games left, make sure you aren’t the only person not to see Oberlin win this season. It will be cold, so buy hot chocolate from the concession stand.

In the Locker Room with. . .

Senior Jenny Lusk-Yablick and junior Chaney Stewman were nice enough to enlighten me on the finer points of field hockey, the team and life in general.

So what do you two think of the articles written by Liz (first-year field hockey writer Elizabeth Logan)?

JL: They are really long, but good.
CS: But we like our articles long and strong, just like our sticks.

Liz calls, out of the blue, interrupting my interview to talk to Chaney. She pawns the phone off on a teammate, junior Nana Uemura, who in turn hands the phone to “Superfan” Chris Daly, a housemate of Chaney’s.

CD: Wait, Ian, can she quote me?
IH: Yeah, whatever, just give her good stuff to work with so her article will be done on time.

The field hockey team wears skirts, does that bother you?

JL: When I first found out we had to wear skirts I was like, “Hell no I won’t wear a skirt.” But after you play in them you realize they are great. You can move easily, it’s like you have nothing on.
CS: They are okay except when they are cold and wet.
JL: And when they flap.
CS: And when they split down the middle, giving all the fans a free show.
JL: Yeah, and when you fall on your ass and they fly up and you don’t have spandex on.


CS: Tell him what the seniors do for the last home game.
JL: Well, for the last home game the seniors don’t wear spandex under their skirts, only our underwear and we write stuff on our underwear. It’s a free show, if you are lucky.

Chaney gets up from her seat and announces that the cubby she is sitting in is too cold and climbs into the chair with Jenny.

CS: Move over more.
JL: I can’t, your ass is too big.
CS: Well, your boobs are small.

If you two are comfortable we can continue. Field hockey balls are pretty hard. Have either of you ever been hit with one?

Jenny gets up and comes over to me and shows me a scar on her lip.

JL: I got hit and two stitches on the outside of my lip and five on the inside. Oh, did I mention that it’s Chaney’s fault that I got stitches.
CS: Did I mention that it’s Jenny’s fault that A-B (’00 graduate Annabeth Macy) had 10 stitches in her head last year?
Jay Criscione (Chaney’s housemate): I think the worst field hockey injury was when I was hit in the leg with a stick.
JL & CS: Shut up Jay.
JL: Ow, my leg, you’re such a baby about that.

So has anyone done anything crazy on the field hockey team?

CD: Ask Chaney about running around naked with a pillowcase on her head.
CS: Shut up, Chris.

Chaney, do you care to explain?

JL: It’s more what Chaney didn’t do on (blank) in a (blank) while running around naked with a pillowcase on her head and a tie-dye shirt around her waist.

OK, I won’t ask.

CS: We can tell you about the “Booty Hat” and the “Love Glove.”

The what?

JL: Yeah, the “Booty Hat” and the “Love Glove.”
CS: The “Love Glove” makes my arms itch.
JL: The “Booty Hat” is this pink visor and the “Love Glove” is a 1980s, multi-colored, elbow-length glove.
JL: If you get caught giving or receiving booty you have to wear the “Booty Hat” and the “Love Glove” for a whole practice.
CD: I like that, giving or receiving.
CS: Then there’s Chris who just cheers for us.

OK, so if you could be any cartoon character who would you be?

At this point I look at my tape recorder and realize that the whole middle of my interview has been missed because I am a dumbass and accidentally paused the tape, missing Chris’ thorough monologue on scoring.

Sorry about that. Let’s see, where were we?

CD: Cartoon characters. But ask them what the words, “I never” mean to them first.

OK, what do the words, “I never” mean to you two?

JL: I never is a drinking game the field hockey team plays. We don’t drink at all during the season.
CS: Unless it’s tequila. Just kidding.
JL: Things get revealed during the party.
CS: And people do things that they wouldn’t normally do.
JL: Concerning booty.
CS: See booty is the center of our life.
JL: Everything revolves around the booty. That’s the real reason we wear the skirts. They frame the booty.
CS: Easy access too. Haha.

Alright, so back to the cartoon characters

JL: Right, I would be Mighty Mouse, because he is hot, he’s a furry rodent and he always gets with a girl.
CS: He always gets a girl?
JL: Yeah, every episode he flies away with a girl on his arm.
CS: I like the Smurfs. They’re blue.


CS: I want to have x-ray vision, but I’m afraid I would be disappointed at what I would see. Have we told you Chris is field hockey’s biggest fan? He’s the “Super Fan” and he beat out stiff competition.
JL: I want to fly, no reason, just think it would be fun.
CS: That’s really ironic because you usually fly around the ends on the field.

Who is going to win the World Series?

JL: Oh God, I don’t want to answer. I’m from Boston. Just say not the Yankees. The Yankees... I can’t say that. I’ll get my ass kicked by half this campus.

Can’t say what, “The Yankees suck?” I’ll say it, I have contempt for the Yankees.

JL: Brie (Briana Quinn, junior field hockey) likes the Yankees. You can put that I said, “the Yankees suck, Brie.”
CS: We love Brie even though she roots for a sucky team. It’s a product of her upbringing.

Poor Brie. OK, if you were granted one wish from a genie what would it be?

JL: Man what is it with all these hard questions?
CD: Laetitia Casta.
JL & CS: Who?
JC: She’s a Victoria’s Secret model.
IH: You know she’s naked on European money don’t you?
CD: She is?
JL: That’s what I want my wish to be. I want to be on European money.
IH: To be naked on European money?
JL: Yes, I want to be naked on European money.
CS: Man that’s a good wish.
CD: So wait, she’s on money, naked?
IH: Yeah, she’s the symbol...
CD: It’s not all about sex, Chaney. She’s a very...
CS: Voluptuous.
CD: Beautiful and interesting woman. She...
CS: Has a really good smell.
CD: Listen, I don’t wanna hear you...
CS: Moan.
CD: Can I get two seconds here?
CS: Two sexends?
CD: No, two seconds. She is a very special woman to me. I don’t wanna talk about her...
CS: Vagina.
CD: Obviously you don’t understand what I mean to her.

So you two have a relationship?

CD: Well, I send her letters and she sends me letters back.
JL: You mean she returns your letters to you.
CD: No, I mean she sends me letters. They’re short, to the point. She said something about restraining order. Whatever that means. One of those French terms.

So Chaney, what do you want to do with your wish?

CS: Chris, I need some sentimental music here. Oh well, I’ll live without. I want to be successful and happy.
JL: That’s two, honey.
CS: Well, to be happy then.

See, not everything is about sex, sentimental values are important, too.

November 9
November 16

site designed and maintained by jon macdonald and ben alschuler :::