To the Editors:

It has been said more than once in recent months that “What is good for the Goose is good for the Gander” [1].

When applied to the upcoming presidential election, this fallacious argument is especially ridden with holes, almost as though it were some sort of rhetorical cheese.

Even if we choose to disregard Kimmel’s agrarian claim that “Yu can trust me Im smarter then Da Vinsi” [sic], there is much available in his philosophy to offend the sensibilities of the enlightened reader.

Citing Babbitt’s alleged “uber r0xx0rz” [sic] is no more a proof of the composer’s ability to govern our nation than is Kimmel’s use of some imagined “a priori proof burden” to justify his absurd assertion in regard to whale livers [2].

In conclusion, Milton Babbitt is clearly unfit to be our nation’s next president, as he is not in any sense semi-combinatorial at the tri-tone.

–Walker Evans
Double degree junior

[1] – Joe Kimmel, personal communiqué.

[2] – Natural Whale Liver Enthusiast, vol. 31. #3 – publication upcoming.