The Oberlin Review
<< Front page Commentary February 29, 2008

Glad We Had This Talk

Shower sex? Good idea? Bad idea?

–Cleanliness is Sexy

Doesn’t it just seem like a good idea? First of all, it’s convenient. I mean, you’re both (assuming it’s just two of you) already naked. You don’t have to go through the laborious process of removing layer after layer, which is, even at the best of times, still relatively bothersome. And we’re just not going to talk about the time commitment and sincere dedication it takes to get naked during the Oberlin winter. With shower sex, the most effort you have to go through is yanking off a towel, which is just dastardly fun.

It’s also the best kind of multi-tasking: efficient pleasure. The name just suggests two of the most satisfying things you can do in college. It eliminates any odd smells that could permeate throughout your room, and any sweat is easily whisked away. Shower sex practically insists upon a good time. The concept is near perfect and when carried out properly, I’ve heard the actuality of it is occasionally pretty nice.

But we have to think about a few things before we make the decision of good idea, verboten practice or somewhere mysteriously in between the two. Is the communal shower, which is frequented by naked college students, really an ideal place to have sex? When some people don’t put their bare feet on the bathroom floor, I would assume that you should be a little cautionary, for hygiene’s sake, when copulating. Lotsa nasty things could possibly end up where you don’t want them. That’s just gross.

Not only could you contract some horrible, mutated, untreatable ailment from having lots of nakedness coming into contact with things you cannot control the cleanliness of, but you could also cause everyone in your hall to hate you. Even if you have quiet sex, which would be a required activity in a communal bathroom where the acoustics are always…exceptional, you’ve still got to realize that, perhaps, the person in the stall next to you just wants to shower and does not want the book-on-tape version of Deep Throat. Remember, we live in a bubble based on liberal community. You should perhaps be considerate to the people you will be living with for the next one, two, three, four years.

But, then again, that’s only applicable if you want to be liked and not be that kid who always has sex in the shower. It has a nice ring to it, though. If you want notoriety, shower sex during the day while other people are showering in a communal, questionably clean bathroom is probably the best way to go.

Now, I am not totally condemning the practice of boning in the shower, but I just don’t see the appeal as far as communal bathrooms are concerned. Now, if you have your own private (private meaning someone can be prevented from entering the room whilst the sexing is occurring) bathroom that you are responsible for, by all means just go to town…downtown. It’s fine as long as your sex isn’t negatively affecting a number of people’s lives.

I am beginning to feel as though my column has two specific trends. The first is my insistence on the panacea of communication (give or take a few hyperboles), which is really a rule to live by, methinks. Well, that, and my second theme: Don’t be a dick. So, if you’re actually reading my column for advice (if that is the case, please, God, send me a question), and sincerely hate all the other bullshit I write, just apply one or both of those concepts to your problem, and you’re done. But, no matter what, I am glad we had this talk.

Relationship drama? Life crisis? We don’t care, but does.



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