Good food doesn't grow on Two Trees

Two Trees Cafe serves a meal like mom used to make. Remember those meals? Those relaxed, weekend, there's-nothing-to-eat-in -the-house-kind of meals? Two Trees Cafe does.

The Co-op Bookstore's latest venture is the Co-op's last hope for financial solvency. The only way this equation might balance, however, is if the Oberlin community succumbs to the guilt chef Michael Jacobs dishes out along with his mediocre food.

The cafe replaced Irene's Cafe late in the summer. Students remember Irene's as a place for great coffee, great bagels and a great view. Two Trees has a great view, and some great salads, if you're lucky enough to get one.

Two Trees introduces its menu with a quote attributed to the infamous Young; "Their various cares in great point combine the business of their lives, that is to dine." The rest of the dining experience at Two Trees is equally confusing.

Patrons are expected to sift through a 20-item menu and make their selections before entering the restaurant. Diners accustomed to Irene's might erroneously head straight to the kitchen to place their order. Other confused patrons who take a seat are similarly ignored even when they are the only people in the restaurant.

According to the Oberlin News-Tribune, one of Jacobs' favorite dishes is the Caesar salad. It was unavailable when we ate at Two Trees. In addition to the popular Caesar, Two Trees offers Waldorf ($5.50) and Garden ($3.50) salads. The salads are served with a homemade bun.

Two Trees also features a variety of entrees and student specials. In line with Jacobs' philosophy of creating combinations, the menu is a crossroads of global cuisine. Dishes include Salmon Quesadillas, Winkie's Fragrant and Spicy Potatoes and a Mildly Curried Lentil Rice Burger. The entrees range from $5.50 to $6.50. Soup and sandwiches are also available.

As students, we opted for the Student Specials. The Garlicky Three-Cheese Pizza ($3.75) was indeed garlicky, but otherwise unmemorable. It harkened back to homemade Boboli creations. The pizza was buried in black olives, despite being advertised as merely topped.

It's not a good sign when the menu has to supply the diner with the right adjective. The only zest in the Zesty Pepper-Jack Cheese Quesadilla ($3.50) was in its name. The quesadillas were lifeless, rubbery, microwaved triangles. They were complemented by a still frozen corn salsa and a carrot salad.

The Sweet Potato hash ($3.50) was advertised as comfort food, which it might in fact be for diehard co-opers. The plate was an unappealing mass of soupy sweet potatoes, accented by small nuggets of various vegetables.

It's Jacobs' aim to make the cafe more than just a coffee shop, which is a good thing. The socially-conscious Organic Mexican Blend was weak and bitter. Only one size of coffee is available, which is larger than many people would want to drink. Between the two of us, we were unable to finish one cup, despite hours of drinking.

Just like mom, Jacobs is concerned when a plate isn't cleaned. Jacobs does everything but remind the customer of starving children in Rwanda in order to get her to finish his lackluster fare. Seeing that a large portion of our food remained uneaten, Jacobs pulled up a chair and grilled us as to the reason why. He responded by jokingly threatening to ban us from the premises.

His ban is unnecessary.

Good times, good friends, bad food: Two Trees Cafe's mediocre food can't take away from quality time spent with friends. (photo by Matthew Green)