Sports Briefs

Despite their offseason acquisition of Pro Bowl defensive tackle Dana Stubblefield, whose 15 sacks with the San Francisco 49ers led the National Football League just one season ago, and the solid play of running back Terry Allen, the Washington Redskins have scored a measly eight touchdowns since the beginning of the season en route to an 0-5 record, their worst start since 1981. After suffering a 38-16 defeat to a Denver Broncos team that featured the unknown Bubby Brister filling in for an injured John Elway at quarterback, the Redskins then proceeded to lose in embarrassing fashion (31-10) this past Sunday to the Dallas Cowboys, whose starting quarterback, Troy Aikman, will be sidelined until November. Still, Washington head coach Norv Turner remains optimistic. "What we do works," he said, apparently preparing for a career in comedy. "We're just not doing it quite at the level we need to be doing it right now.".... 49ers owner-in-exile Eddie DeBartolo, who plead guilty to failing to report an alleged extortion scheme in Louisiana on Tuesday, is hoping that his plea bargain will function as the first step toward his eventual return to the team. Ultimately, the decision to reinstate DeBartolo, which would restore much needed stability to the 49ers organization, will be in the hands of League commissioner Paul Tagliabue. For his part, Tagliabue did not offer DeBartolo a ringing vote of confidence. "Mr. DeBartolo's decision to enter a plea in Louisiana is not based on any understanding with or commitments from this office regarding his future status with the 49ers or the NFL," he said....

Strawberry diagnosed with cancer

New York Yankee outfielder Darryl Strawberry was recently diagnosed with colon cancer, ending his season and prompting fellow players from around the league to adorn their uniforms with his number, 39, in a touching tribute. During his stay at the Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center in Manhattan, he received visits from teammates Chili Davis, David Cone, Derek Jeter, Tino Martinez, and Tim Raines, as well as Yankee owner George Steinbrenner. According to doctors, who successfully removed a 16-inch portion of Strawberry's large intestine last Saturday in order to operate upon a two-inch cancerous tumor, the Strawman should enjoy a full recovery. He will be released from the hospital on Sunday.... As Strawberry lay upon his hospital bed this past Wednesday, his Yankee teammates lost the second game of the American League Championship Series in bizarre fashion to the Cleveland Indians. In the twelfth inning, umpires failed to call Travis Fryman out when the Tribe third baseman blatantly interfered with Tino Martinez's throw to first base after an unsuccessful bunt attempt. As Yankee second baseman Chuck Knoblauch argued the call, refusing to pick up the baseball that remained lying upon the field, Enrique Wilson managed to round the basepaths and score, breaking a 1-1 tie. The Indians held on to win the game 4-1, and the New York faithful promptly showered Knoblauch with insults, beer bottles, and whatever refuse could be found in the stands of Yankee Stadium.... Has Mo Vaughn played his final game as a member of the Boston Red Sox? While Sox owner John Harrington has vowed to offer the All-Star first baseman a lucrative contract extension, Vaughn has insisted throughout the season that he will test the market when free agency begins after the conclusion of the World Series. Look for Vaughn to return to the Sox, who have also expressed serious interest in acquiring a first-rate starter in the range of Kevin Brown, Randy Johnson, and Al Leiter... Speaking of Kevin Brown, the San Diego ace pitched a three-hit shutout against the Atlanta Braves on Thursday night. He also had eleven strikeouts for a 3-0 Padre victory. Brown left little room for closer Trevor Hoffman, who blew only his second save opportunity of the season - a la Tom Gordon - in Game One of the National League Championship Series. San Diego still managed to win the game and leads the series 2-0.... The Red Sox suffered a tough loss to the Cleveland Indians in the American League Division Series, proving that even Review sportswriters can occasionally make mistakes....

Albert's record cleansed

Virginia Circuit Judge Benjamin Kendrick has cleared Marv Albert's criminal record of a misdemeanor assault conviction from one year ago, noting that the formerly renowned broadcaster had "been of good behavior and complied with the special conditions set by the court." Since the conviction, Albert has married and found work as the play-by-play commentator for the New York Knicks. Let's just hope we can hear him on NBC sometime soon....

NBA reports little progress

Although the National Basketball Association resumed negotiations with its players on Thursday, the meetings could hardly be described as productive. "There was a minimum of posturing, although I can't say there was any progress," said League commission David Stern. "There's still an essential area that keeps us apart - the fact that we want a defined percentage of revenues." No owners attended the meeting, while only three players - Patrick Ewing, Herb Williams, and Dikembe "Dunk on Him" Mutombo, - bothered to join the party. On Tuesday, the NBA will almost certainly announce that its season, scheduled to begin on November 3, will be postponed, as millionaire athletes and billionaire owners haggle over profit shares. Hockey anyone?