Yeobowlers roll into Kent State competition

For a few weekends each year, the members of Oberlin's world renowned bowling team band together to wax their balls, throw some strikes and fight the widespread perception that bowling is a game designed only for plumbers, Mafia informants and Vincent Gallo.

Finally, that time has come. This weekend, the sorely missed Yeobowlers will convene for their first official competition since they hosted a regional tournament in April. On Saturday, they will travel to Kent State University, where it will take more than the National Guard to stop them from rolling over their rivals. Once there, they will be challenged by teams from Kent State, the University of Ohio, Akron University and Carnegie Mellon. Needless to say, the bowlers are not afraid.

If Kent State thought Nixon and his soldiers were bad, they ain't seen nothing yet, cause the Yeobowlers are going to come out shooting, even if they're only strikes," said senior team treasurer Jonathan Stoper. "We will blast them into submission. And we'll look good doing it."

Senior Ali McDowell, who will be forced to sit out the tournament with a sprained ankle, concurred. "The other teams don't really stand much of a chance," she said. "I was planning to use our intimidating triangle offense against them, which involves elements of conventional war strategy mixed in with a bit of Western mysticism. But I'm not going to be playing, so I will be sitting around this weekend watching reruns of The Real World."

But not all the Yeobowlers shared that kind of enthusiasm. Refusing to echo the optimistic sentiments shared by his teammates, senior Adam Fuller predicted a poor showing at Kent State. "Generally, the only team we even come close to beating is Carnegie Mellon, so they're our rivals," he said. "Everyone else consistently crushes us, so the only reason I will be competing is to gain individual glory and hot chicks."

Oberlin will send men's and women's teams to Kent State on Saturday for six games. Each team will consist of five competitors, with several alternates making the trip to support the men's squad. Both teams will return on Sunday for three more regular contests and three baker games in which five team members combine for one score by rolling two frames each.

"The women's team won their events two years ago, so we hope they will have similar results this year," Stoper added. "But the men are up against a sordid history of defeat, and we need to perform to the best of our abilities. For my part, I am certain that I will emerge victorious if only I can keep my mind sharp with a strict regimen of Duff beer and white russians."

The Yeobowlers, who practice throughout the year for semi-annual tournaments in exotic locations like Kent, Ohio and Ann Arbor, Mich., will return from their latest competition on Sunday evening. Let's just hope they will have something to celebrate when they roll back into Oberlin.