Deuce Bigelow Limps into the Apollo

It's Friday, and that means that it's time for a new movie at the Apollo. This week it's the critically acclaimed hit, Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo. Well, it certainly would be easy to write a scathing review of a movie about a self-proclaimed "man-whore," but as a staff writer for the Review, I feel that it is my duty to give this film a fair review, based on its content and not simply its title. This is not an easy task, as the main content of Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo is less-than-groundbreaking sexual humor and a protagonist who evokes more embarrassment than sympathy. Now, this is not to say that Deuce didn't have its moments, but those moments were all but lost amidst an hour and a half of seemingly endless and banal mediocrity.

Our hero, played by Rob Schneider from Saturday Night Live, is a fish tank cleaner with no money or companionship. With nothing better to do, he takes a job cleaning the fish tank of a successful and attractive male gigolo while he is vacationing in Switzerland. Deuce takes it upon himself to start answering his employer's phone calls, and thus the epic tale of deception and quirky dating begins! The talented Mr. Bigelow finds himself with an woman who is eight feet tall, a woman with Tourette's syndrome and a slew of other women with various deficiencies and ailments.

As if this movie didn't have everything you could want, the masterful script doctors then add a romantic plot to mix, between Deuce and his only normal date, played by Arija Bareikis (of no movie anyone on planet Earth ever seen). Shockingly, she finds out that her first date with the emotionally complex Bigelow was paid for and thus ensues the dramatic conflict!

I don't want to give away the end, but believe me, you don't want to miss Rob Schneider's titillating performance as he attempts to balance his new career and his new girlfriend. I don't know if this is really something to take your significant other to on a Friday night, but on Tuesday or Thursday this movie won't sound so bad when it only costs two dollars. Overall I gave it the double hang loose, just don't go in expecting a quality film. So stuff your pants, slick back your hair and try and get somebody to pay you to see this movie with them; after all, that's what Deuce would do!