Outside Oberlin:

Swimsuit Issues and Games for the Next Millennium

When I was 10, I wanted a subscription to Sports Illustrated more than anything, for no other reason than to put the pictures of Michael Jordan that frequently graced the magazine on my walls. It wasn't just the Jordan pictures, though, that were so great. All of my friends wanted a subscription, but their parents would never indulge them - they didn't think they'd read anything of their own accord, even if it was a sports magazine. A subscription to SI: was the one thing I could have that my friends didn't. They may have had pools, bigger backyards and better video games, but I would have the only reading material that actually appeals to young males. My mother eventually gave in, and, after several weeks of issues, my room was the best decorated of all the kids in the neighborhood.

It had been some months after my subscription started that, on a chilly February day, I opened the mailbox to discover Elle MacPherson in all of her splendor. Initially, it didn't quite register what it was that I had just received. Though the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue has an illustrious reputation, at least among pre-pubescent boys, few, at least at that time, had actually owned their own copy. Many of us had older brothers that had, amongst other quality publications, swimsuit issues from previous years. These were, of course, stashed away in places we either couldn't reach or wouldn't touch. Now, fortuitously enough, I had my own copy with which I could play the bad-ass role for my friends. Not too shabby a bonus gift from a magazine I would read anyway.

It was all really very innocent. Sure, it was great to see beautiful women in skimpy bikinis and thongs, but we were too young to care. Everyone knew that, in some years time, things like the swimsuit issue would take on greater importance. But, for the time being, it was cool just to act like you actually cared about it. Besides, the models were somehow not real; we were surrounded by girls, not women, and the swimsuit models were too far removed from everyday life to have any real impact on our conception of women. The most important thing was reading contraband and, at least for me, possessing contraband.

My first couple of swimsuit issues left something - even if it was very little - to the imagination. The latest, unfortunately, leaves at best next-to-nothing to the imagination, especially for my kindred spirits, renegade 10-year olds. What's more, such corruption was Sports Illustrated's purpose. "For years our swimsuit issue has been accused of leaving little to the imagination," reads the introduction. "With Depth Charges we hope to leave even less." Depth Charges is, for those who do not read SI:, the 3-D spread that requires special SI: 3-D glasses, which are conveniently attached to a sticky substance inSI:de the magazine.

The old swimsuit issues were a little risqué, to be sure, but they were just tame enough to keep adolescents contained. Now, it's all given to them. They don't have to put up with bad video games, cheesy cartoons, and now, subtle swimsuit issues. We had basketball games that featured two stick figures playing one-on-one; they have NBA Live 2000. We had Thundercats, they have Batman Beyond. We had swimsuit issues sans 3-D glasses; they, naturally, have 3-D goggles.

The reason it wasn't all about the models for us was because it left just enough to the imagination to be over our heads. If we had had that little spark, though, it would have been an entirely different ballgame. We would have had to imagine that Daniela was enticing us with a seductive palm full of sand, but today's youngsters only have to slap on a pair of 3-D goggles. Their innocence is being tainted because they are being given imaginative powers far beyond their years.

The mystique of the swimsuit issue may fundamentally change due to the recent innovations. The rite of passage that is the illicit procurement of the swimsuit issue may become a scandalous affair in which elementary-age boys are pressed beyond their means. Or, they may just get smarter more quickly. Either way, seeing Estella, Daniela and Heidi "bust out in 3-D" is ruinous for our nation's youth.