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CD Reviews

Metallica

S&M

What??!! It seems that when rock stars reach a certain level of being washed up, they turn to the only thing that they feel can save them - a collaboration with a reputable orchestra. Metallica joined the club with their latest effort, S&M, an ill-advised venture into testosterone-loaded orchestral metal. Didn't they listen to that Frank Zappa album? Is the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra just a bunch of MTV sell-outs? You know it's sad but true.

Well, the bell has finally tolled for the band that once brought us real-deal commercial metal hits such as "Enter Sandman," "Wherever I May Roam" and "One." On S&M, Metallica delivers would-be sophisticated versions of their old and new songs, the same songs that made us want to burn things and watch American Gladiators as children. But for all of Lars Ulrich's musical training, not even his thundering drumbeats can save this album from going down as one of the biggest tragedies in rock and roll history. Indeed, he and his bandmates have finally reached the bottom of the barrel, and it is all too apparent that they are determined to drag Metallica into the 21st century as a pathetic, lumbering joke.

This two-disc set features many of Metallica's greatest hits from Ride the Lightning to Re-load. (Obviously, material from the band's ferocious debut Kill 'Em All couldn't make the transition into symphonic rock.) But while the songs remain the same in name alone, it is clear that the band has been running on empty for too long. What's really sad is that if somebody played this album for James Hetfield back in 1989, he probably wouldn't believe that he had anything to do with such a monstrosity. But facts are facts. Hetfield and Ulrich, the same songwriting team that once produced classics like "Disposable Heroes" and "Creeping Death," are now serving up rancid trash for a generation of teenagers who wouldn't know a decent metal band if it stole their bedside jar of Vaseline. Just think about it. Would the Hetfield and Ulrich that popularized speed metal with cuts like "Whiplash" and "Seek and Destroy" really write a song called "No Leaf Clover?" ("Clover," which features a Jethro Tull-style flute solo, makes Spinal Tap's "Stonehenge" look like minimalist rock.) Certainly, the call of the Ktulu seems to have completely missed them this time. For this latest and most degrading chapter in the once-proud legacy of Metallica, I dub them unforgiven and hope that their band soon fades into black obscurity.

That said, it's a sad day in America when a real symphony orchestra needs to prostitute itself out to dying rock bands just to stay afloat. Watching their audiences age into senility caused a handful of orchestras to call it quits in the last year alone, simply because they refused to throw away their integrity and make an album like S&M. Even so, it's scary to consider the possibility that a handful of unlucky conservatory students will find themselves in the recording studio jamming on their oboes with Kid Rock in a few years. Come to think of it, that would be pretty funny, wouldn't it?

So put down your air violin and start writing letters. Tell Metallica that you don't want to hear this filth. Do it soon before they take the next step into securing their own ostracism from the ranks of legitimate musicians by putting out an album of popular DJs re-mixing Metallica hits. It may not be too late. Who knows, maybe Eddie Furlong will send a terminator back in time to destroy Metallica and save the future. Or maybe not. Whatever the case, the world would be a better place if someone would just find the members of the band and kill 'em all. Or just kill me, cause I don't care any more.

- Tyler Kord

Scenes from the Next

Personalized Songs for Arm

Determined to avoid the sophomore jinx on their follow-up to 1999's jv, the boys from Scenes from the Next have returned with a vengeance on Personalized Songs for Arm, a four-song e.p. that features plenty of catchy melodies, a healthy dose of sonic rock and more of the same heroics that fans have come to expect from guitarists Tyler Kord and Jesse Woghin, drummer Nate Cavalieri and bassist Ben Arenburg. To be sure, it is a promising effort, one that features a cleaner but no less aggressive sound than the band's impressive debut.

On Personalized Songs, the band quickly launches into the album's strongest number, "Pen: Fifteen," an up-tempo rocker that somehow manages to combine the band's Dylan-esque lyricism with a raw sound that recalls shades of Helmet, 311 and latter-day Genesis. "Shaking Heads with the Headpin" slows things down a bit for a desperate power ballad that finds Woghin doing an uncanny impersonation of legendary heartthrob Jon Bon Jovi. With his pleading vocals crying out over a sea of melancholy guitars, Woghin truly captures the same power and emotion that once fueled Bon Jovi's epic soundtrack to Young Guns II, but he wisely steers clear of any unnecessary cowboy references.

The final two tracks, "Amelia Rock" and "Baker's Pink," continue in this vein, featuring irresistible guitar hooks, pounding beats and the wistful vocal stylings of Woghin and Kord. Like "Headpin," they reveal a kinder, gentler side of the band that was not always apparent on jv, an album that boasted the most brutal sonic attack since the 1983 release of Quiet Riot's Metal Health. Even so, the band never loses its edge, even during the album's most tender moments. "Pink," for instance, is an ideal closer, as it seamlessly blends luscious vocals with raw, distorted guitars to provide an emotional climax that is nearly unforgettable. Indeed, it is clear that the band has come a long way since the days of jv, when their songwriting skills were a little more rough around the edges. They have matured as a band, and the tightness and complexity of their sound is undeniable proof.

That said, Scenes from the Next fans will have to whet their appetites for rock n' roll destruction with this latest effort, which clocks in at just over 15 minutes. To be sure, it leaves even the most casual listener hungry for more, but it will have to do for the time being. And though Personalized Songs for Arm may pale beside more accomplished works like Pet Sounds and Abbey Road, it's a pretty good sign that the boys from Scenes are moving in the right direction.

- Rossiter Drake

To purchase your own copy of Personalized Songs for Arm, contact Freelancetcetera@hotmail.com.

Various Artists

American Psycho

Every now and then, a soundtrack comes along that enjoys just as much commercial success as the motion picture that spawned it, perfectly capturing the essence of a film, its characters and its moods. Indeed, the best soundtracks are much more than souvenirs; they are indispensable artifacts of pop culture, evoking unforgettable images of our favorite cinematic moments and the emotions we associate with them. You know the kind - just think of the legendary soundtracks from films like Pulp Fiction, Pretty in Pink and Get Shorty. Hell, the South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut soundtrack should have been a monster hit in its own right, but it's possible that the world was not yet ready for the biting satire of songs like "Blame Canada" and "Uncle Fucker." The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences certainly wasn't.

Nevertheless, the next great soundtrack has arrived courtesy of American Psycho, the cinematic adaptation of the controversial 1991 novel by Bret Easton Ellis. Featuring an intriguing mix of industrial rock, early hip-hop and frat-boy pop, Psycho is a delight from start to finish, brimming with the same dark and seductive energy that has been so evident in trailers for the upcoming motion picture. And while recent soundtracks for films like The Wedding Singer and Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion fondly celebrated the ridiculous excesses of '80s pop, American Psycho paints a much more sinister portrait of that decade with an all-star lineup that includes New Order, the Cure and Information Society.

The album kicks off with a ferocious interpretation of Dead Or Alive's "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)," a classic '80s dance track that is recast by Dope as industrial grunge, complete with distorted guitars and vocals. It is an ambitious effort that works surprisingly well, and it quickly establishes the aura of danger that pervades the entire soundtrack. Psycho continues in morbid fashion with previously unreleased re-mixes of new material by industry giants like David Bowie ("Something in the Air") and the Cure ("Watching Me Fall"). Both are fitting additions, proving that Bowie and Cure frontman Robert Smith can still rock with the same gloomy passion and creativity that made their early work so vital.

But the real gems on American Psycho are the forgotten hits by one-hit wonders like Information Society and M/A/R/R/S. While the current '80s revival has reawakened popular interest in sugar-coated acts like Culture Club and the Bangles, the Psycho soundtrack wisely focuses on the darker, more obscure songs from that era. Information Society chips in with "What On Your Mind (Purge Energy Mix)," a sample-heavy bit of synth-pop that almost certainly inspired Trent Reznor's work on Pretty Hate Machine. Meanwhile, M/A/R/R/S throws in their two cents with "Pump Up the Volume," an electronic number that might be one of the most underrated hip-hop masterpieces of the last two decades. Huey Lewis and the News even makes a cameo appearance on the soundtrack with their ode to the pleasures of conformity, "Hip to Be Square." As the quintessential anthem of the conservative Reagan era, "Square" adds a pleasantly ironic twist to the album.

So while the jury is still out on the American Psycho film (which provides several intriguing bits of dialogue that appear on the album) the verdict is in on the soundtrack. It's a winner.

- Rossiter Drake

Anne Summers

Very Classy

When it comes to unadulterated alt-pop, there is very little that is could be considered classy. In fact, since the popular death of R.E.M. and the Gin Blossoms and the time when bands like Korn and Slipknot began to show up on the cover of Alternative Press and on the "alternative" charts, finding your bearings in alt-pop these days could be a difficult task.

Enter D.C.-based nobodies Anne Summers, newcomers to small indie label Beatville Records. With the 11 songs on Very Classy, the three boys of Anne Summers find themselves on the verge of pop genius, in a land somewhere between Elvis Costello's Attractions and The Jam.

One of the most striking things about the record is its flawless production. Don Fleming, whose resume boasts such pop legends as Sonic Youth and Teenage Age, is not new to producing great pop records, and seeing Anne Summer under his care is a perfect fit.

The songs, written by Alec Boyajy and Andrew Pontano, could not be more structurally sound. Building off the four-chord stereotype of mid-80s candy pop, they redesign simple song structures with ingenuity and wit. The songs have every element of the pop formula down to a polished, hook-ridden science leaving little doubt that they are on their way to becoming indie-pop idols. While somehow toeing the line between barely cute enough to stomach and completely legitimate at the same time, Very Classy can't be taken lightly.

The secret to this success is evident in the band's aesthetics. Once you get past the tongue-in-cheek classiness of the cover art and the smart layout of the packaging, you have to be quick enough to handle the intelligence of the songs themselves. Seamlessly written, they not only draw on contemporary culture as a source for lyrical inspiration, but also seem incredibly legitimate as an important part of that culture in and of themselves.

Highlights of the record are many, but particular standouts include the radio-ready "King of Disaster" and "Ropes Course" which are both more infectious than a night with Bret Michael's girlfriend. Though the staunchest crowds in indie rock will probably be turned off by the plain-faced radio sound of Very Classy, the world would be a better place with these guys on the dial.

- Nate Cavalieri