What Would Nina Do?

Dear Nina,
I decided to go to this Halloween party on Wednesday and I was dressed as a nurse. I got kinda drunk and ended up hooking up with an upper-classman. My props were involved and I’ll just leave it at that. What I want now is to start dating him but also to keep it kinky; I’d never done that sort of thing and it was new and exciting. He asked me for my number, so I think he’s interested in another “physical.” How do I bring on the role-playing without embarassing myself or him?
—Naughty Nurse

Dear Florence “Nasty” Nightingale,
Um, hi! What would Nina do? Probably nothing involving a little white minidress, for openers. I imagine this sort of thing usually comes up after two people have been doing it for ages and need to spice things up, or if they’re in some kinky cult already. But maybe you are in a good position to experiment. I mean, clearly he’s open-minded, since he was up for a few rounds of Doctor on opening night.
Then again, starting to date someone is difficult enough around here, and your desire to, like, dress him up as a pirate and force him to refer to your “booty” may not ease that process. My advice is to see him again and bring the freakiness into it swiftly but gradually. I mean build up to it again and be straight-forward about your new-found nastiness, but don’t send me any details.
—Nina

Dear Nina,
I think I might be the annoying one. I have this uncontrollable need to argue vehemently in public settings, like especially in classes. It used to be just with friends and during free time, but now I talk too much in really inappropriate places. Sometimes, even when I know what a professor just said is correct, I just feel my hand going up, because, like, I hope that people will think I am smarter. But then I say the stupidest shit. I toss around words like “post-modern,” or “fascist,” when I can’t think of anything else. How do I stop this downward spiral? Do you think Oberlin did this to me?

—Alyson E. Dame

Dear Ms. Dame,
I hate you. You are the annoying one. There is at least one of you every direction I turn. My advice is to look in the mirror at home and force yourself to talk and talk and talk until you become so disgusted with yourself that you feel sick. Then give yourself tests in class, like sitting on your hands or establishing minimum spaces of time between commenting on anything. I don’t know whether Oberlin did it to you. It is quite possible, but I think this epidemic is far-reaching and rapidly growing. There is hope yet. Stop talking!
—Nina