Counseling Center Checks In

To the Editors:

Dear Oberlin students: how are you? As you read this letter, you may be experiencing a wide range of emotions reflective of what has been going on in the world. You may be feeling sad, angry, anxious or afraid. Maybe it feels worse than that, maybe better. Perhaps you’re not feeling very much at all, are just numb or in shock, or even just fine, just like usual. All of these are pretty normal reactions to abnormal happenings. But they deserve some attention.

As all of us strive to regain our footing from the events of Sept. 11, the staff of the Counseling Center wishes to share some thoughts about the process of healing from the recent past and taking care of ourselves for present and future challenges.
Any stressors bring out our coping skills. Most of us use methods of coping with stress that are reasonable and healthy under normal circumstances. Extraordinary stressors tax those usual coping skills, and we may find ourselves using some unusual means of trying to get through a difficult time, such as using coping skills we thought we had outgrown. When something unexpected happens that threatens our sense of safety, we may call on coping methods that hurt us more than help — withdrawal, abuse of drugs and alcohol, out of control spending or sexual behavior or eating — even protracted periods of denial.

At times of stress it’s also not uncommon to become more irritable than usual and upset out of proportion to what seems typical for us. It’s not uncommon to find fault with others, especially parents or authority figures from whom we’ve grown accustomed to expecting protection and safety. We can sometimes displace the anger and lack of control we feel toward large threats onto smaller frustrations in life over which we feel we have more control. We may feel most upset with the people closest to us. Being mindful of this process can help us cope better with others during stressful periods.

Some members of our community may be more vulnerable than others in their susceptibility to stress. For first-year students, the first months of college bring challenges enough in the form of separation from parents, family, and old friends, an unfamiliar landscape, new living arrangements, new people, college classes. When a large and unusual, shocking event happens in addition, the stress may at first seem too much to bear. Transfer students, being new to Oberlin, may share some of this experience, perhaps mitigated by already having a familiarity with college life. Many students may be living with fear of harassment and discrimination because of their ethnicity. International students, too, are in the midst of considerable adjustment to a new culture as well as to college. And for anyone who has experienced prior trauma or losses, or who was having a hard time emotionally before the events of Sept. 11, the trauma to our country may feel especially hard.

What can you do? Notice and give yourself credit for all you have done and are doing now to cope. You may be stronger than you have thought. What have you done? Talked to friends, family, faculty, staff and other older adults around you? Donated blood or taken action to demonstrate your desire to help? Participated in religious services or your own spiritual practices? Made sure you have gotten enough sleep, healthy meals and some exercise? Written in your journal? Read or listened to music or watched T.V. to escape? Thrown yourself into your studies? Spent time in a natural setting?

Make an investment in yourself by noticing what else you need and make an effort to get it. If it’s not in the list above, and you can name it, how do you reach out for that?

In addition to your classmates, friends and family, there are many people in our community who care about you and want to help. These include the president, the deans, your professors, your class deans, the Res Life staff, the chaplains, Student Academic Services — and us. Please reach out. Together, we will get through this.

–Charlie Ross
and the Counseling Center staff