What Would Nina Do?

Dear Nina,
I’d been crushing on this cute guy since we were in class together last spring and his ability to apply postmodern theory to, like, everything really turned me on. So we’ve been doing it ever since I gave him the friendly touch at Campus Band Night. But suddenly, his remarks in “Documentary Forms” class seem contrived and predictable. What happened? I mean, his side-part doesn’t even seem ironic anymore and the appeal is waning fast. I can’t stand his sweater vests and perpetual camel-toe. Is there any hope?
–Post-Honeymooner

Earnest,
It is always an upsetting moment when the haze of novelty is lifted and you realize you’re boning a loser. I mean if he has like bangs or something, they better keep being funny or else seeing him naked will quickly lose its charm.
During the so-called honeymoon phase, things that are clearly annoying magically bounce off a layer of googly-eyed adoration, rendering them cute or allowing them to go unnoticed. Then at some point it hits and he is rendered undeniably pathetic. What’s amazing is that you soon realize that you’ve subconsciously taken a detailed inventory of every grammar error, self-promotion, indulgent literary allusion made. That’s when you freak out.
My reaction would probably be to become incredibly competitive in discussing Italian Neorealism and passive-aggressive when he offers to proof-read your “Art Since 1960” reading journal, then dump him in a haiku e-mail to see if he gets it.
–Nina

Dear Nina,
I’m a freshman and have been hanging out with this guy who I like totally connect with. See, we both went to boarding school and he really understands me. We live in the same co-op and like cooked meals together in the fall and I fell for him hard! But as we adjust to college life, we’ve taken different paths…
I’ve been listening to obscure bands like The Strokes and Weezer and I’m learning how to play drums and hang out at Ministry. He’s listening to Outkast and Mos Def and learning to free-style and hang out at the ’Sco! But I feel like it’s really real, you know? I’m scared that our lives will just seem totally, like, incompatible or whatever. How do I convince him I’m his soul-mate?
–Juliet

Dear Juliet,
Hi, star-crossed much? You’re killing me, softly. You used to listen to Ben Harper together and now your paths only cross on the steps of Wilder. I think there is hope yet, if the connection is as intense as you suggest. And I’m sure it is, as freshman love is never disillusional.
If it’s meant to be, it will work out in the end, but these freshman phases, this journey in self-discovery can be pretty overpowering. It could take time for him to fully appreciate the magic between you two. So be patient, and try to remain a constant presence in his life and he’ll come around.
–Nina