What Would Nina Do?

Dear Nina,
I hooked up with this guy like two nights before I left for spring break. There was a really natural, slow build-up and then we finally made out and talked all night and it was great. But now it’s really freakin’ awkward every time I see him in public. We just meet up for “bootie calls” which is kind of sad. Do I have to have “talk” with him? I hate talks!
–Strong Silent Type

Dear Angela,
Are you like meeting in the boiler room before study hall? I think that whole Jordan Catalano thing is only cute if you’re 16, though it goes on all the time around here. You are having two typical problems: the pre-break rapport vs. the post-break rapport, plus the “I can’t talk to you in public” problem. Welcome to college! Isn’t it fun?

Nobody likes having talks, except those people who do, but ew. Talks with people you aren’t really involved with suck, so I support the instinct to avoid that. In fact, Oberlin kids are, on the whole, way too quick to unload all their emotional garbage onto each other when they should relax and let things play out.

To solve both problems, my advice is to cutely suggest going on an actual date. Make it specific, and if he isn’t into it, tell him to suck it. Be sure to bring this up when you’re in bed, as it is impossible for guys to admit they want to go on cute dates in any other setting (like when they’re pretending they don’t like you in the Snack Bar or something).
–Nina

Dear Nina,
I’m starting to toy with the idea of a lesbian affair or something. I feel like a loser because I’ve never made out with a girl. I don’t feel particularly attracted to girls, but I feel like if I had a few beers, it would be kind of sexy. Anyway, I’m just getting nowhere with the dudes around here. But is that, like, offensive to the gay community or whatever?
–Jessica Stein

Dear Lesbo Look-Alike
Ah, the liberal arts school tradition of turning into a lesbian at midnight. I’d say this is pretty trendy thing, the two-beer-queer fad — it’s huge! I don’t particularly have any opinion about this, although openly admitting that you think you’ll be cool for sucking girl-face is clearly way lame.
If you’re curious, go for it. Now is the time and it’s certainly good not to close yourself off to things you might like doing if you try. Just make sure you’re not a fake lesbo tease. I would imagine that making some girl feel like her lifestyle is just a funny exotic vacation would be pretty annoying, especially if she wants it to develop into something bigger. So be clear what you’re in for and enjoy.

–Nina

Some free advice from me concerning Drag Ball:

1. It’s cooler for girls to dress like boys than like prostitutes.
2. Boys: for the love of God, make an effort to conceal your package in lycra mini-skirts, please!
3. Don’t wear glasses — they’ll get foggy.
4. Be sure to eat a nice big meal before you start guzzling long island iced teas, or whatever you kids are drinking. Seriously, though, no one wants to leave on a stretcher. By “big meal” I don’t mean a salad or something, ladies. I’m talking about something absorbant like potatoes. And drink water.
5. Buddy system: I am not kidding. Drinking your weight in malt liquor, in conjunction with wearing a Moulin Rouge costume can make a person “lower her inhibitions” (read: standards). So make sure you have a friend keep an eye out, in case you start humping some freak or ex-boyfriend or anyone else you might regret humping.

Ah, am I showing my age or what? Have fun, kids, good, safe, gender-swapping fun. And don’t do it in Wilder. Very tacky and gross.

Love, Nina