In The Locker Room With...

Assistant baksetball and baseball coach Evan Gerking truly earned his college nickname, “The Old Man” with all the stories he told me during this interview. It’s a shame there isn’t enough room to print them all.

So where are you from, Evan?

EG: I am from Laramie, Wyo. originally and graduated from Grinnell College in Iowa.

How was Grinnell College?

EG: It’s a fantastic school. It’s a carbon copy of this place.

How so?

EG: Well, the kids are a little weirder there than they are here, but other than that it’s the same.

Now Evan, you played baseball and basketball in college. Tell me some stories about your college basketball team.

EG: Well the Grinnell College basketball team scored 118 points a game. We put up around 105 shots a game, half of them coming from behind the three point line. We usually hit about about 20 three pointers a game. I once played with a guy who hit 16 threes in a game twice and 19 threes in a game and scored 77 points another time.

Wow. So did you guys play defense?

EG: Well, we played a full court press the whole game and relied on the turnover. I personally was in a game where we scored 141 points and lost. Grinell also has the record for losing a game 160-155.

While you were at Grinnell did you ever scam the school out of money?

EG: Yes, one time I did scam the college. A couple of friends and I created the Major League Baseball Fans Association. The way the money worked at Grinnell, anyone could have a club as long as anyone could join the club so we created the Major League Baseball Fans Association. Basically we convinced the college to give us money to drive to Wrigley Field and buy tickets to Cubs games.

So you’re a Cubs fan?

EG: The Dude abides.

Do you have any great Cubs fan stories?

EG: Well, there’s this guy at all the Cubs games named Ronnie Woo Woo. This guy dresses up in the full Cubs uniform. I mean he’s got the jersey, the pants, the socks, the belt, even his name on the back of his jersy. It says, “Woo Woo.” He stands in the bleachers and will go for innings long repeating, “Sammy Woo Sosa Woo, Sammy Woo Sosa Woo.” That guy, he’s got about three teeth. I thought he was a special guy, but I walked up to him and he’s just a diehard Cubs fan.

Looking around the coach’s office I notice a poster of Britney Spears on the wall.

What’s the deal with the Britney poster on the wall?

EG: Well, here in the coach’s office we have the Britney Spears “Stop the Tease” poster up. Coach [Dick] Roth, the older coach, you will know him when you come to the game because he is the older guy that sits on the bench with us. I guess last year at one of the practices coach Roth said to the team, “You’re like Britney Spears, you’re just teasing us.” And the next day the poster appeared in the locker room.

You’re the assistant baseball/pitching coach here too, correct? How is the baseball team going to be?

EG: The baseball team as well as the basketball team is going to be better than the year before. We have a solid pitching staff and with some work they could be one of the best in the conference. We have a bunch of hard throwers and Rob Smith (sophomore).

What’s with the Bill Walton poster on the wall?

EG: At the beginning of the year coach [Mike] Cavey hated Bill Walton. He thought he was the worst announcer in the world so we put up the “Don’t let stuttering put you on the bench,” poster. As we have watched more Walton games I have come to realize that he is the funniest man alive. This guy rips on everything, the players, the coaches, about how Larry Bird is coaching, about everything.

So the Wyoming Cowboys were on TV the other night?

EG: If you ever get a chance to watch a Wyomong basketball game it will be the most exciting game you could ever see.

Uh, Evan, they scored 52 points the other night and lost.

EG: Don’t worry, there will be games where they don’t shoot 15 percent from the field and they will score 70 points. Those are the games you have to watch. I’m calling it now, they are going to the Sweet 16 this year.

So what was it like growing up in Wyoming?

EG: Growing up in Wyoming is an interesting experience. There are more people who live in Cleveland than in the whole state of Wyoming. Laramie, where I’m from, has the college, so it’s a little more cultured, but it’s a real interesting experience.

So you’re on an intramural basketball team.

EG: Yeah, we’re the Damn Staff. We’re damn good.

How’s the little round guy?

EG: The little round guy? Oh, Coach Lahetta. Let me just say that coach Lahetta is one of the best shooters in the IM basketball league. We have the four best players in the league, myself, Cavey, Lahetta and [football coach] Ron Greer. We would be unstoppable if we could get [football coach] Jay Lukes to play. He’s the enforcer. Let me just say that the baseball team is by far the worst team in IM basketball.

I don’t know about that. I think we are going to challenge you when we play.

EG: It’s not even a question, we will win because the Damn Staff does not include [student assistant coach] Jason Carrington who could easily lose a game for us because he is so terrible. Haha, and you can print that.

What is coach Cavey like?

EG: Coach Cavey is a much better basketball player than coach Carrington. Let me tell you a story about Coach “Cakes.” Jason is involved in a 3 on 3 basketball league with me over at the middle school. He got two hotshot graduates on his team to take my team on in the league, but I’m not worried about them because eventually Carrington is going to have to go in and when he does we will win. Just like when we play the baseball team in IM basketball. Eventually Ian Haynes will have to go in and when he does, we will take over and win.

Are you a Republican?

EG: I am a Democrat. Part of the five percent in Wyoming.

Man, I want to have a Republican in the locker room.

EG: I am glad there hasn’t been a Republican in the locker room. But if you want to interview one go talk to Jay Lukes.

The Damn Staff found out earlier this week that being cocky causes losses.

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2001, The Oberlin Review
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