To the Editor:
The Review's reporting of the Matt Holford affair was almost humorous, except in that it presented borderline libelous misrepresentations. Matt (aka Big H, Shakey H, Raging Steed of Lycra Lust) is portrayed as some scheming drug dealer bent on bringing the happy go-lucky diversity of Oberlin to its knees. Anyone who knows Matt Holford can tell you that, although he may be of the minions of Satan, he's simply an unassuming farm girl from Omaha who is too overwhelmed by her soul-draining fetishization of amphibians to busy herself with the complexities of politics.
Josh Robinson, Ben Selman and Raging Steed had nothing to do with the infantile politicization of the eviction. My name was on the rally permit. I delivered the maliciously self-aggrandizing keynote speech. I consciously disregarded the myriad of More Important Causes. The entire world exists only to reassure my weak, yet almost erotically bloated ego. It was all me, me, me and they (Josh, Ben and the aforementioned Raging Steed) are all peons (I control them through the careful administration of planted steroids) in my plot to overthrow Walt Disney, who rules the world from a bunker lodged firmly up Geoff Mulvihill's ass. The Review even mixed up the purpose of the rally. Anyone who was there can tell you that my centerpiece was the call for tater tots with every meal, dammit!
Facts:
1)The Editor of the Review is compromised in this matter because he is an employee of Res. Life.
2)Some moron assigned the story to be written by a guy who is the roommate of the chief complaintant against Raging Steed. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but that's still a huge journalistic no-no.
3)The paper that we depend on for accurate information has issued no formal complaint about the fact that they were ordered to stop reporting on the events. Any real publication would be wailing First Amendment by now.
Just to rub salt in my numerous open, pus-coagulated sores, Geoff (Ed. of the Review ) wrote this really wacky staff box article last issue: "Students Need to Learn Media Savvy" ( Review , March 15). First he says that he wasn't enthusiastic about reporting on the eviction and that it was only the goading of the whole Banana House gang that got him to send a reporter. Real good media instincts, Geoff. A student smokes pot, barricades himself in his room, and refuses to talk to security and a bunch of Deans, and your nose for news says no story? Then he says that we students have to learn how to use him better, to convince him to bestow his magical gift of publicity to us. How's this for a revised title: "Students Need to Learn How to Blow Me Better" by Geoff Mulvihill, Editor in Chief of Nothing But His Own Stained Underoos.
In conclusion, let me state that Ben Selman kisses like a long tongued squid with whiskers, Josh Robinson is the dipshit who puked on the third floor of Talcott on Monday night, Matt Borus is no fun at all, Matt Holford is the best martyr since Jesus and I may be egocentric, but it doesn't matter because I actually am better than you. At least in bed.
Students need to learn media savvy (3/15/96)
Students fight dorm eviction for pot (3/15/96)
Copyright © 1996, The Oberlin Review.
Volume 124, Number 19; April 5, 1996
Contact Review webmaster with suggestions or comments at ocreview@www.oberlin.edu.
Contact Review editorial staff at oreview@oberlin.edu.