Various Artists

Songs from "Dawson's Creek" Vol. 2

Heard Here Rating:
"Oh, and did Dahlia tell you about her abortion? Huh? Ooh, you're not looking so chipper anymore. You miserable assholes!"

A new and altogether disturbing trend has emerged in popular music over the past several years: the TV show music album. This abomination of a form began its life as the "songs from and inspired by..." movie album, and has advanced to new lows of blatant commercialism, as evidenced by this latest Dawson's Creek album (the second, you'll notice).

The way it works is this: a band's sleazy record company hires a sleazy marketing agency, who convinces equally sleazy producers of the latest teen TV hit to put 15 seconds of the band's crappy song on the show as Dawson hangs up the phone after a particularly trying conversation with Joey. They wait until 14 or so of these song snippets are on the show (about half a season or so), put together an album and plaster it with glamour shots of the cast. And it goes gold in a week, while real artists struggle to break even on minor-label releases with constant touring.

This album, with one or two exceptions, is a typical collection of touchy-feely schlock rock. It starts off with "I Think I'm in Love With You," Jessica Simpson's wretched theft of John Cougar Mellencamp's classic "Jack and Diane" backbeat. And somehow it gets worse. The artists who compose this album, if you can call them artists, are at least as forgettable as their songs; most you've never heard of before, and won't again, and that won't be a particular tragedy. Shawn Colvin and Train have what passes for staying power in this group.

The range of musical styles goes from artless teen pop (Simpson), to mediocre Tori Amos rip-offs (Shawn Colvin), to Dave Matthews wannabes (Five for Fighting, Pete Yorn), to a group that wishes they had as much talent in their whole band as Billy Joe Armstrong has in his back pocket (Wheatus); to, well, you get the idea.

Perhaps the only legitimate artists on this CD are the Jayhawks, who contribute a fine song off their latest album, "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me." This singular exception, however, is no reason you should come within 100 feet of this album - just go buy the Jayhawks' latest album Smile.

Just as the album opens with an insult, it closes with one - both to the listener and itself. Some chick named Mary Beth Maziarz has the nerve to cover, of all artists...the MONKEES!!! And she doesn't even do it well. She busts out with a solo-piano-accompanied version of "Daydream Believer" that not only sucks but might damn near incite a lover of God, country and the Monkees like myself to violence. Worst of all, the producers/promoters/general sleazebags didn't even seem to recognize the irony of ending this album with a bad cover of a song by a made-for-TV band. Then again, maybe they did, and they're just laughing all the way to the bank.