What Would Nina Do?
by Nina

Dear Nina,
What’s the best way to feel out a crush on a guy in your larger social circle?

Dear Anonymous,
That can be tough. But also good because it’s not like you have to be pathetic in order to hang around the guy. Make sure you are the funniest person in a given group, and don’t drink too much if you are going to act like a loser. You want to get this person’s attention in a natural way, so make fun of him/her and touch his arm as much as possible during conversation, without being obvious.
Be very careful not to tell too many people, since this is all happening within a circle of friends. Nothing’s worse than having a bunch of girls giggling to your man about your secret crush. Totally impossible to appear cool/nonchalant after that. Throw a party so you can invite him. Then charm his pants off!
– Nina

Dear Nina,
How unethical is it to hit on someone you know is in a relationship? I understand this is a no-no, but isn’t it true that sometimes the new relationship is better/more important/more serious than the old one? Am I awful for even asking?
—Looking for Love

Dear Looking for Love (in all the wrong places),
This is one of those things that depends on specifics of the situation, so it’s hard to give general rules. In a perfect world, you wouldn’t have to take any responsibility for ruining a relationship by hitting on someone who is spoken for. People should be trustworthy enough to resist temptation if he/she is committed.
On the other hand, that kind of temptation could be a signal that the relationship this person is in is not satisfying or has run its course. This is your only hope. Time is essential in this case, because you don’t want to just steal him/her. Then you might

have a confused basket-case on your hands and it will never last, unless this person is a serial-committer but that’s no good either.
The objective is to patiently counsel this person through the break-up, and then console him/her into a new relationship with you.
If you just hit on this person and he/she automatically has no problem cheating, this person is a dog, and you don’t want to get involved. If you are looking for love, a taken woman or man is usually not a good target, but if you are truly meant to be, it could work out. I would say that if you are at all friends with the significant other, lay off, big time. If the other is out of state or out of the country, see above.
– Nina

Does your main squeeze want to start switch-hitting? Write and find out What Would Nina Do for this or any kind of advice. E-mail nina.lalli or drop letters in OCMR 1683.

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