Heard Here

Britney Spears
Britney

It’d be nice to say that Britney Spears’ new half-eponymous album, Britney, contained something unexpected. That is, it’d be nice to say that there’s a surprise anywhere on the album, that there’s a great pop song like “…Baby One More Time,” “Stronger” or “Lucky.” It’d also be nice if I could say that I shoot lasers from my eyes.
To say that a new Britney Spears album is a disappointment might sound a little odd, but that’s what I’m gonna have to say here. This is a really disappointing record. I truly enjoy listening to some of her songs, indeed, I coud almost listen to Oops! I Did it Again all the way through. But this latest effort is just painful.
One could argue, if one were okay with arguing this type of thing, that this is a transitional album for Spears. Unfortunately, that would be an idiotic argument. This album sees Spears trying to change her image, no doubt, but it’s not a change into anything original or interesting. Where she isn’t being produced by her boyfriend (N’Sync’s Justin Timberlake, for those who care or don’t know, on “What it’s Like to be Me”), or singing Dido-penned atrociousness (on “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman”) she’s butchering yet another rock standard (“I Love Rock ’n’ Roll,” after the travesty of “Satisfaction” on Oops!). Even the usually-talented Neptunes can’t save her awfulness on the two songs they produce: “I’m a Slave 4 U” and “Boys.” Predictably, the only songs worth anything are those produced by those progenitors of modern American trash pop themselves, Swedes Max Martin and Rami. They team up to make “Overprotected,” and “Bombastic Love,” both rather listenable. “Cinderella” is also a pretty good track (though the Swedes do also produce Dido’s awful song).
I could go on for a while here talking about Spears’ use/abuse/weirdness toward her own sexuality. But I won’t. It’s not even worth it. She’s trying to be Madonna and change her image each album and gradually get more sexual, but it’s not working, since Spears has neither the innate sexuality or singing talent of the divine Ms. Ritchie Spears won’t be going away anytime soon, but at least we can stop paying attention to her. Well, maybe until she poses in Playboy.

-Jacob Kramer-Duffield

Hope Sandoval and the Warm Inventions
Bavarian Fruit Bread

[Andrew does not feel like writing this week. Andrew has bigger fish to fry. “Poo on you,” he says. “You can write your own review.”]

Despite their ______(adj) ability to ______ (adv) channel lyrical angst into a ______ (adj) and _______ (adj) expression of the _______(noun) side of life, most _____ (adj) folks will admit that Mazzy Star were a pretty ______ (adj) band. When I was in high school, I initially did/didn’t listen to them because I thought they were a bunch of _______(noun). Yet as I became more aware of the ______ (noun) and my ______ (noun), I started to genuinely ________(verb) Mazzy Star for a number of reasons. For one, I found out that Hope Sandoval (the band’s ______(adj) frontwoman was a total ______(noun). Her songs made me think about how to ______(verb) _______ (noun) with a ______ (noun) in an entirely new way. When I heard her sing “Fade Into You,” I would begin to _____(verb) like a _____(adj) ______(noun). Sandoval’ new band is called the Warm Inventions, and they are rather ______(adj), even though they sound a little bit like a really _____(adj) version of ____________(band name). While those lyrics remain ______(adj) as ever, that Sandoval’s ______(adj) voice still makes them sound as _______(adj) as ____________(canonical work of literature). The guitars are ______(adj) too, as they _______ (verb) through the mix like a _______(noun). In short, I would ________(verb) this album to anyone who is a fan of _________ (adj) rock. If you are so inclined, you might try listening to this after having a bit of ______(kind of drug).

Adjectives: angular, gorgeous, pleasant, dinky, smokin’, passé, hip, dainty, clever, lusty, uncanny, sexy, brilliant, vapid, fine, important, dangerous, little, wimpy, morose, lame, sensitive, tender, massive, succulent, dreamy, waifish, meaningful, poignant, odd, fiery
Nouns: man, love, soul, mandibles, melancholy, pig, pansies, theory, woman, trance, turd, damnation, tulip, slattern, honey, chimpanzee, rifle, drama, knife, babe, cigarettes, significance, art, thugs, disease, thistle, mayonnaise, boy, aesthetic, idiots
Verbs: sob, thrust, demolish, deny, appreciate, chortle, spit, dance, recommend, pound, adore, understand, gulp, drive, make, devour, listen, discuss, construct, shake, melt, slice, read, cough, moan, undulate, reduce
Adverbs: thirstily, consistently, occasionally, increasingly, secondly, slowly
Band Names: Slint, My Bloody Valentine, the Jesus and Mary Chain, The Breeders
Canonical Literary Works: Melville’s Moby Dick, Pound’s Cantos, Eliot’s The Wasteland
Drugs: tea, cocaine, PCP, hash, LSD, crank

-Andrew Simmons

Le Tigre
Feminist Sweepstakes

Kathleen Hanna was once the fiercest ideologue punk rock had ever seen. Bikini Kill, the Olympia three-piece she fronted in the early ’90s, juiced its jackhammer guitar assault with uncomfortably explicit tales of sexual and physical abuse, providing the inspiration for the brief but provocative riot-grrrl movement. Drawing “slut” and “dyke” across her body with magic marker, Hanna swirled around the stage in a frenzy and let loose a banshee wail of declamatory rage in powerful statements like “Rebel Girl” and “New Radio.” The intent was to undermine the masculine power of aggressive rock-and-roll by turning its weapons against itself, creating an inclusive community where the theoretical result would be a new definition of punk. The problem was that Bikini Kill’s technical crudity and lacerating identity politics became ends unto themselves and the polemical stridency was eventually outweighed by the predictable approach of the music.
Enter Le Tigre. Leavening the politics with playful satire and fist-pumping dance rhythms, Hanna’s new vehicle is considerable evidence that the energy she derives from her feminist heroes and subculture can be a great topic for a silly pop record. This is Hanna’s re-definition of punk. Feminist Sweepstakes is much sparer and beat-heavy than 1999’s Le Tigre; one could even imagine a block party where the funkiest tunes are mixed in with Missy Elliott and Jay-Z without anybody noticing. Though not as consistent (“F.Y.R.” is an unconvincing attempt at tying the feminist aesthetic to election fraud and racism that just sounds forced, and the superfluous interludes of “Dyke March 2001” and “Cry for Everything Bad That’s Ever Happened” add nothing) the high points are as good as anything the group has done before.
“Tres Bien” is a hymn for an unappreciated artistic inspiration. This theme was especially prevalent on Le Tigre, with Hanna giving shout-outs to her favorite bands and intellectuals in “Hot Topic,” but the robotic synthesizer and dub-like bass line of this one are new steps forward. “Keep on Livin’” and “Well Well Well” are uplifting messages of perseverance in this dark age for young progressives, injected with a persistent dance bottom. The lyrics are mostly clipped phrases and catchy slogans that glance by you quickly like billboard advertisements; their superficial simplicity (“Raise your hand/Raise your voice/Raise your head/Up from the desk”) clarify Hanna’s strong beliefs for easy consumption.
Hanna is still that fierce ideologue, but now she has a sense of humor. Le Tigre’s formula for success seems so simple that it’s hard to imagine her running out of steam now.

-Zach English

Various Artists
Music From and Inspired by Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3

When I got my weekly new music notice from cdnow.com, I had to check the album title on this bizarre creature twice just to make sure I wasn’t just delirious from lack of sleep. No, apparently I wasn’t hallucinating, as confirmed by the large rack of the album itself that was staring me in the face at Best Buy. So I bought it. Sociology experiment, of course.
Can we just talk about this for a second? I’ve done a review like this before, on the second “Dawson’s Creek” from and inspired by album. And even then I bemoaned the trend of movie soundtrack to “from-and-inspired-by” movie soundtrack to television show “from-and-inspired-by” soundtrack. And now this, a freakin’ video game “from-and inspired-by” soundtrack. And as with the “Dawson’s Creek” soundtrack, it’s just what you would expect, though rather than the overwrought sappiness of “Dawson’s Creek,” there is the fake angst of skatekids, or rather the doubly fake angst of kids who play skate video games. Selling a video game soundtrack to the overconsumer kids who play video games isn’t just crass, it’s damn near cruel. Though if Maverick Records didn’t take their money, it would probably just go to other video games or for weed or Natural Ice or some of those crappy new DC shoes. So I guess it evens out in a weird way. And I guess I did buy this album, but, um, let’s ignore that for a second.
Let’s go over the band names: Papa Roach, Onesidezero, Hometown Hero, Millencolin, Pressure 4-S. These bands all suck, whether or not you’ve heard of them. Nofx, Sum 41 and Pennywise are all pretty innocuous pop-punk bands who sometimes have okay songs, but their contributions here are also very much in the sucking. Ditto on the “good-sometimes-but-not-here” with the Deftones, who also pass with flying colors the “used-to-be-pretty-good-then-decided-money-was-fun-and-now-suck” test. Only two bands on the CD are worth dedicating any listening time to, and one of them (Outkast) contributes an already-overplayed but still good song (“Bombs Over Baghdad”). So the only reason you might ever buy this CD, unless you’re 13 and like pretty shitty music or really like playing “Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3” and want the bonus CD, is “Cut Chemist Suite,” by Ozomatli (which is also four years old, anyhow). Then again, you could just go out and buy Ozomatli’s self-titled album that contains “Cut Chemist Suite” and a lot of other really good songs, too, or go get their latest, Embrace the Chaos.
Oh yeah, and Tony Hawk used to be pretty cool back in the day. But this just ruins it, Tony. Even after Heartbreakers, Jason Lee is still cooler than you now. Plus he’s in the new Fletch movie, and that’ll be pretty bomb.

-Jacob Kramer-Duffield