As darkness fell over the skyline of Chicago, hope rolled into town — hope in the form of the Oberlin Flying Horsecows’ B squad. Made from the finest first-years and sophomores, and junior Robin “Blah Blah Blah” Walker for flavor, the saucy young team hoped to realize dreams held for nigh on five weeks at the Northwestern University tournament held on Oct. 12 and 13. Fleeting images of layouts and point blocks flit across their minds as they arrived at their sanctuary in the windy city, the home of captain James “Poop Truck” Burris. Mr. and Mrs. Burris welcomed the team with open arms and were warm and friendly all weekend. Suspicions were immediately high that James was adopted or perhaps had been sent to Earth in a space pod when his home planet of Sarcasmo 7 exploded. Putting aside such thoughts, the team settled in and rested for the big day ahead.

Arriving at the fields bright and early the next morning, they were shocked to find they would be playing on an area a little smaller than North Quad. This created problems all weekend as many fields bordered busy streets and/or huge trees. On top of the lack of space, the actual size and shape of the fields was suspect at best. It was apparent that remedial geometry is not a class offered at Northwestern. Sophomore Ted “Flasher” Olds was heard to say, “These fields scare me, let’s surrender and go home.” Luckily this sentiment did not sweep the team and the Horsecows matched up against their first opponent, the University of Illinois’s C team. Perhaps it was the central time zone or the fact that Oberlin had won the pre-game toss for the first time in years uncounted, but something certainly threw the ’Cows for a loop early on and they quickly found themselves down 6-3. Disgusted with their level of play, the young crew decided enough was enough and went on a 9-2 run to bring the score to 12-8. On the brink of success, the rookies had trouble converting the win and the Illinois’s team came back with three straight scores, making the game a perilous 12-11. First-year sensation Ethan “Spleen Boy” Witkovsky had worked too hard to let the game slip away though, and set a series of hard marks that included an attempted kick block that went over his man’s head. Under this increased pressure, Illinois folded and the Horsecows picked up their first win of the tournament. After the game Ethan said, “My spleen is filled with joy. I prayed to God and he granted me the ability to wake up and play today.”

Shifting gears and fields, the rookies found themselves quickly bettered by a more experienced University of Chicago team. Extremely well spirited, both teams grinned as the ’Cows fell 13-4. The game was not without highlights, however. Still energized from the previous win, Ethan Witkovsky pulled out the back of the end zone, shocking his teammates. First-year Alex “This Guy” Brown muttered in astonishment, “Holy balls! He’s a colossus!” On top of this brilliant pull was the implementation of several textbook waterfall offenses by an entirely first-year stack. As the inexperienced crew worked the disc up the field time and again, the old and wizened Robin Walker wheezed, “Seeing that made me as happy as a little school girl. Look, my nipples are raised in excitement.” The rest of the team exchanged glances and moved to the opposite side of the field.

Returning to the site of past glories, the team switched fields again and took on the Northwestern B squad. This game was to be a hard fought match and each point seemed more grueling than the last. First-year Lee “Szalinski” Rubenstein tried to score some quick points by continuously running up and down the field screaming “poached,” “booya,” “boomshakalaka” and “I’m really frigging open!” but to no avail as hard marks and tight D frustrated the normally airy Horsecow offense. As each team struggled to find its groove, junior Paul “Apollo” Caseley electrified his teammates with several incredible defensive plays. Zach “Kanish” Carter wondered, “Can we build a temple in his honor? I could be the vestal virgin.”

Infused with spirit by Paul’s playing, the Horsecows pulled out a narrow 12-10 win. This second win of the day earned the B team a bye for the next round and granted them a chance to play for a spot in the winner’s bracket. It was taken as a bad omen that it began to rain as it was discovered that the rookies would play the much more experienced Michigan team in their last game of the day. Tired and battered, the young men put up a valiant fight but simply could not play on Michigan’s level. An errant throw by Ethan Witkovsky towards the Michigan sideline prompted him to jokingly point at Michigan’s coach and say, “Take that coach!” Michigan didn’t find the incident funny and quickly put the game away 11-3.

The following morning the ’Cows arrived and discovered that they would be playing Illinois’s C team again to decide who would move on to the B pool championship. Cold and weary, the rookies drew strength from strong defense from first-year Brendan “Ivan, you so crazy” Zagaeski. Asked after the game what sparked such fiery play he responded, “Leave me alone, I don’t speak English…seriously, go away. I live in French House, I don’t understand you…fine, stay, but give me a cigarette…and a lighter, I want to smoke it, not look at it!” He then scowled, straightened his beret, and resumed eating a croissant.

It took a few points, but the Horsecows finally remembered that they were better than Illinois and won the game 10-7. The squad was then overjoyed to find that they would again be matched up against the University of Chicago in the finals. The two teams decided to switch jerseys in order to add to the fun of the game and confusion reigned for a point or two as the teams figured out who was who. Once things got flowing, the ’Cows gave UC a much closer game than the day before. The match really got interesting when Ted Olds demonstrated a perfect “flash your dong and run” cut.

Even in the face of great play by the rookies, Chicago’s experience won out and they took the game 15-6. Both teams heartily enjoyed themselves, however, and the young Horsecows were quite pleased with their performance. Leaving the tourney with a 3-3 record, it signaled high hopes for the future of Oberlin Ultimate. Upon hearing the results of the tournament, junior Brendan “B-Jar” Curran said, “These up-and-coming studs have got all the right stuff.” He then repeated himself fifty more times while waggling his tongue disturbingly. Perhaps though, the weekend was best summed up by freshman Sean “Highly Controversial” Abbott-Klafter: “We came to Chicago with moonbeams and fairy dust in our hearts, and we’re leaving with little white unicorns resting on our shoulders, whispering sweet melodies in our ears.”

First-year Lee Rubenstein is a member of the men’s ultimate frisbee team.