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Sports Shorts
Athlete of the Week
Junior Burt Betchart ended the swimming season on a strong note at the North
Coast Athletic Conference Championships held at Branin Natatorium in Canton, Ohio.
Though the Oberlin swimming team finished in ninth place in the conference, Betchart has performed
well throughout the year.
The NCAC meet proved a culmination of the season’s work as he placed eighth in the 200m backstroke,
sixth in the 100m backstroke, and was part of the 800m relay team that placed third, less than
a second in front of Kenyon College.
Betchart’s younger brother Craig, a first-year, also swam in the 800m relay.
Burt’s time of 53.35 in the 100m backstroke was a personal record.
Betchart, a native of Concord, N.H., will look to further improve next season.
In the Locker Room With . . .
This time around I went to first-year Will Jaffee’s room to find out
what his thoughts were on several issues, including the OC men’s lacrosse team’s rebuilding
year. It was an enlightening conversation to say the least…
So how long have you played lacrosse?
WJ: Since fifth grade, so fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth...This will be my ninth year.
This has nothing to do with lacrosse, but since I came in and you were
playing “Legalize It” I thought I might ask: What do you think about the marijuana laws?
WJ: Oh boy (laughs.) Um. Well, in the words of Peter Tosh: “Goats love to play with it.”
Don’t get me started on the laws, that would end up being a three-page thing.
All right then, so, according to your friends you seem to do well with
the ladies. Would you consider yourself to be single, taken, or “exploring?”
WJ: Uh. Oh boy. Well. Taken. Let’s be moral now. Yeah, taken.
What do you feel you contribute to the men’s lacrosse team as an
experienced player?
WJ: I’ll try not to be long-winded. I feel like I came in at an interesting time. I’ve
always been the leader type, so it feels good to come in and feel like I’m being effective
to the team. But it’s hard to always lead by example while trying to expand my game at the
same time. I also contribute some homoeroticism.
Would that mean you’re homosexual?
WJ: No, I’m not attracted to men. I just don’t mind giving a “how’s your
father” every now and then.
Moving on, how do you think the rebuilding of the lacrosse program is
going?
WJ: For this year it’s going very well. Next year we’re going to start seeing the
serious effects of the recruiting though.
So is that an official Dunkin’ Donuts floor mat?
WJ: You’re damn straight it is. I picked that puppy up drying off outside of a Dunkin’
Donuts.
That would make that a legitimate MAC ATM sign and roll of caution tape
also then?
WJ: Yes. Yes that would. It’s…it just slid right out of the top of the ATM. Not that
I own either of those items.
Would you consider yourself a kleptomaniac?
WJ: A friend and I established a new theory of stealing things. That is that if you do it so
blatantly that it’s right in the person’s face, it’s not stealing—it’s
taking with their permission.
With their permission? How do you figure that one?
WJ: Yeah. Because they’re watching you take it. Plus I only “take with permission”
weird things. I don’t steal food or anything like that, really.
I see you have a textbook on “The Chemistry of Mind Altering Drugs.”
What class is that for?
WJ: Introduction to be a Psychonaut. Professor Fung…No wait, it’s Professor Psilocyb-cubensis...Yeah.
(Muttering under our breath)
You’re going to hell you know.
WJ: No I’m not because it doesn’t exist.
Yes it does, you’re going to hell.
WJ: No. I’m not.
Yes, you are.
(Back to talking normal again)
What are you majoring in?
WJ: Philosophy
I’m not surprised. You seem to do a lot of thought-provoking things.
WJ: All right you superficial Cartesian dualist piece of crap.
Is that a bad thing?
WJ: If your mental process functions on some basis other than logic, then I guess it’s
OK.
You seem to be a multi-talented person. An athlete, a musician, an actor,
a wealth of knowledge on a certain “thing,” a kleptoma—
WJ: And I can use both hands…In a lacrosse game that is.
Anything else Klepto-Man? Do you mind if I call you Klepto-Man?
WJ: Bastard.
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