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Letters The Marriage Debate In
“Marriage: For Better? Or Worse?” (Fall 2001), the author
petitions for same-sex marriage with the argument that “same-sex
couples…are the nation’s most unabashed supporters of
matrimony.” What she does not say is that same-sex couples
are also the nation’s most unabashed supporters of homosexual
behavior. The article also states that “the government is not
on the side of love and commitment when it comes to same-sex couples.”
This would be true if love and commitment were the only issues to
consider in sanctioning same-sex marriage. In fact, they are not.
The primary issue is that if society sanctions same-sex marriage,
it also sanctions homosexual behavior. This is something that the
majority of us are not willing to do. Our ethical sense compels
us to treat every human being, homosexual or heterosexual, justly
and with dignity. But it is that same ethical sense that demands
that we exercise restraint in our sexual behaviors. As a compassionate
society, we do not go so far as to censure homosexual behavior,
but neither must we condone it by sanctioning same-sex marriage. The
article “Wedding Rights” covers a lot of ground, and yet
leaves out an examination of the very basic question of marriage:
The nature of commitment. I would offer that couple-hood is treated
as a class of family-tie all its own. Change is acceptable if you
can manage it and remain a couple. Growth is expected, but growing
apart isn’t even considered a possibility, certainly in no
way a positive one. Significantly, if couple-hood comes to an end,
it is taken for granted that the person who was family—no longer
is. Here is a possible commitment: I promise, before our friends,
family, and larger community, to care about you, to want the best
for you, to work with you to understand each other, and to build
a life together. I have found in you and in our relationship something
very precious to cherish, and nurture, and honor. I’m asking
everyone I’m close to to help me do right by this, neither
holding too tightly nor ever taking this for granted. Do the words:
“And I promise we will never be parted” really add to
this? Or do they sound a little childish and prideful by comparison?
What if we leave out those add-on words. Does this make it harder
to explain what the commitment is? Surely it does. Does it make
it any less of a commitment? Well…legally it is not a marriage,
nor is there any other legal way to recognize it. Some might say
this is an insufficient foundation for raising children. Maybe raising
children is, appropriately, a very profound and separate commitment
all of its own. |
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