The Oberlin men’s ultimate frisbee’s B-team posted the best result for the spring on the men’s side when they beat the University of Illinois at Chicago’s B team 9-0 in the first game of Hope College’s Dope Cabbage tournament, Saturday, March 2.
Being seeded last in a five-team pool had advantages for the Horsecalves as they got a rare first round bye and were able to snooze until 9 a.m. Eight inches of fresh snow greeted the well-rested ’Calves as they piled on all the layers they owned and headed out to the fields.
After singing their traditional warm-up hymn, “Amazing Grace, my hands are cold…” the game got under way. Several well-placed hucks to first-years Wilson “the Abominable Snowman” Skinner and Ben “Icicle” Warrington later and the B team had pulled out its first win of the season. The second game would not prove nearly as easy. Angry at being a perennial doormat for Oberlin’s full squad, the Case Western Reserve Fighting Gobies took out their aggression on the B team and took half 7-0. A rousing halftime speech by sophomore co-captain Noah “Lightning Boy” Hoskins-Forsythe inspired the ’Calves to fight back for their first score. Despite the icy weather, the Horsecalves lost their cool and were soundly beaten, 13-1. “The snow made it really hard for our cup to run when we threw zone D,” sophomore Brendan “Sergei Fedorov’s Sex Slave” Curran said. “Yeah, and the penguins kept getting in my way,” sophomore Eben “Checking Line” Pariser added.
The next game wasn’t much better. Facing Hope College, seeded second in their pool, the ’Calves allowed the orange-clad hometown favorites to open up another 7-0 halftime lead. Injured A-teamer and self-designated coach Mike “Roger Moore” Hamm called for more use of the new “HoZo” offense at halftime. Oberlin gave up a quick score and then patiently worked the disk up the field, called time out on the goal line and punched it in to Warrington. A layout D by first-year Braden “Mr. Everything” Paynter followed by a fast break score made it 8-2, and though the Horsecalves managed to flow well up the field again it was all they would get and the final stood at 13-2.

Next the ‘Calves faced fellow Ohioans Bowling Green. Though their opponents featured three decent handlers and several good athletes, Oberlin found themselves down only 7-5 at halftime. “It doesn’t hurt!” yelled Hoskins-Forsythe as he threw himself backwards into the snow. “Lay out in any position, land on your heads, just lay out!” Fired up by their captain’s cheers the ’Calves rallied back for a 9-8 lead. With weak marks that got broken like a frozen snotsicle, the ’Calves were unable to press their advantage and let Bowling Green tie it at nine and then take the lead 10-9. A forehand huck from Robin “Little Gun” Walker to Paynter got intercepted in the endzone. A Bowling Green punt on stall nine after great handler D by junior co-captain Dan “Toto” Reeves went out of bounds. Paynter got better position in the endzone, this time on a backhand huck, and the game was tied at 10. Oberlin would get no more, though they would get close several times, and they lost a winnable game 13-10. “It’s as cold as a witch’s tit, let’s get out of here,” proclaimed first-year Steve “The Iceman Cometh” Kleinman. The ’Calves retired to the Day’s Inn to shower, attempt to thaw and dry their clothes and watch Cool Runnings.

The next day, with snow still falling, Oberlin hurried to the fields eager to lose more toes to frostbite. By this time a foot and a half of snow graced the fields, the bottom eight inches being chunks of ice left over from the previous day’s fields. Only six men’s teams showed up, so they were simply paired up for one game before the long drive home. Since their opponents were Earlham, with a few people from University of Chicago thrown in to give them enough players to go savage, the ‘Cows put on their Quaker line; but the Quakers across the field, their faces painted in Braveheart designs, didn’t seem to appreciate it. Oberlin scored first on a downwind huck and then surrendered two quick fast-break points. The ’Calves couldn’t match Earlham’s intensity, athleticism or throws as they gave up numerous layout scores. Good long play by Skinner, Warrington and Kleinman and handler work by first-years Keith “Fuzzy” Apfelbaum and Gabe “Steven Segal” McCormick led to five scores but in the end the ‘Cows lost in a capped game 12-5. After a quick game of “Splat” led by Earlham, the ’Calves piled into the cars for the smelly ride through a blizzard and back to warm Oberlin.

Sophomore Robin Walker is a member of the men’s ultimate frisbee team.