In the Locker Room with. . .

“J.D.” John Damron

Damron is a first-year pitcher and third baseman on the Oberlin baseball team.

Yo, J.D.

JD: Word.

Tell me a little about your homeland in West Virginia.

JD: It’s a cool place to grow up, man. I was getting a little tired of living there, but I guess everyone wants to get away from home. It’s cool though, everyone should check it out.

So you’re not dating your cousin or anything are you dude?

JD: Nah.
[Head Coach Eric Lahetta walks in]
EL: Actually, my parents are from the same hometown as him.

Well, shit. So John, what do you think about the team’s pitching coach, Doc Shaedler?

JD: He’s doing what he oughta’ be doing, man. That man knows a lot about pitching. He’s one of the coolest old guys I think I’ve ever met.

Old guy?

JD: I think me and him need to go to pitcher night some time.

Do you think he would be down?

JD: Well, I’m hoping he’d buy me a few.

Do you think you could out-drink Doc?

JD: I guess we’ll see.

So who do you think is the coolest guy on the team?

JD: Well besides me and you, I guess I would have to say [sophomore] Nick [Moorehead].

Why Nick?

JD: ’Cuz he’s from Mississippi. What else is there to say, ya know?

So how come the only place the team eats at is Wendy’s?

JD: I guess Coach ‘L’ just likes the chicken nuggets, man.

What do you do in your free time?

JD: Well, I did play a lot of pool until someone stole the balls.

Who stole the balls?

JD: I think a prospie.

Did you beat his ass?

JD: Yeah, I would have but he left too early.

What do you think about the team’s play so far this season?

JD: Um, we definitely need to get our shit together. I think we’ll play better if we see peeps gettin’ drunk at field-side barbecues, ya know, kinda’ rowdy and stuff.

What’s your favorite basball flick?
[Junior Bob Montag shouts from the backround]
BM: Don’t you ask that question every time, dude?

Fuck you Bob. 

JD: Well, I think my favorite baseball movie is The Natural. 

Why The Natural?

JD: ’Cuz it’s about a left-handed hitter and he’s number 9.

What’s good about number 9?

JD: It’s just the number for any good left-handed hitter.

So are you saying that other left-handed hitters who don’t wear number 9 aren’t any good?

JD: Naw man, but it would be a shame for any right-handed hitter to wear the number.

Do you shoot raccoons in West Virginia?

JD: No, but there’s probably some people who do.

How do you like Ohio?

JD: I wish there were more mountains. It’s kind of boring with the land being all flat.

I don’t think anyone would disagree with you on that one. 

JD: Word.

What are you impressions of Oberlin?

JD: We need more restaurants here, man. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. At least a Taco Bell, man.

Who’s your favorite musician?

JD: Bob Marley.

So what do you think about [Assistant Coach] Bobby [Ehrhart] driving a mini-van?

JD: I just hope no one cuts him off on the road ’cuz he might throw something at them or something.

Can you picture me rollin’?

JD: Rollin? Yeah man. Word.

So do you say ‘word’ a lot?

JD: No, I just kind of picked that up once I got here.
[From background]
BM: Word.

Word.